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Fifth Year Quotes |
The Fifth year of quote collection was one to remember. For instance, we have an alcohol-heavy weekend of Al and Mart together in Cornwall, paeds, O&G, the famous Birchathon, A&E, neuro, ENT and ophth, and GP / Pall / etc., and finally psychiatry. Enjoy.
| MEDICS | |
| Anna | I can't eat Yorkie bars. I had a bad experience with one when I was younger. |
| Caroline | (to Jon) You up for a large one? |
| Clare | Shut up! I'm getting hot in here! |
| Alasdair and I were the only people who turned up for an 8.30 lecture which had been cancelled last week. No wonder Scotland hasn't been given independence. | |
| (with her new pair of boots) Ooh! There's two of them! | |
| I'm not aggressive - I just like touching people. | |
| Emma | You look intelligent, but when you open your mouth the effect is lost. |
| Neither of our experiments worked, but he had a wife and 2 kids so it was worse for him. | |
| Emma: Could this CV be used as bog roll? Jon: Probably. That's why surgeons don't interview. |
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| Jacquetta | Obs and Gynae has turned me into the Texas chainsaw weirdo. |
| I'm not made for the NHS; I'm made for Vietnam. | |
| If I'd got a licence to kill then half of the year would be dead. | |
| It doesn't have to be thick, it just has to be long. | |
| It's a lovely day, why are we spoiling it by talking about love? | |
| You'd trust me with your baby at night in our lab? | |
| Sarah | "Rectal Diazepam"? I think I've seen that video. |
| Adam | It's not inconceivable that Fertility Clinics will happen on a Monday. |
| I'm a bit bi-... erm, lateral. But I have a preferred side. | |
| PERFECT! To a greater or lesser extent. | |
| Alasdair | I like it hot and wet. |
| (the ultimate conversation ice-breaker!) I see they've changed the sex laws. | |
| Perhaps Saddam's got a paper aeroplane of mass destruction up his sleeve. | |
| You can't beat a good beating with a newspaper. | |
| Jon, if you get lucky, I'm in for a piece of the action. | |
| Bas | Bas: Sorry, I'm bleeding. CB: So am I. Bas: But I'm bleeding more. CB: OK, you win. |
| This League of Fiends food is the culinary equivalent of a White Hole. | |
| Can you keep your sandwich off my forehead? | |
| Dan | That's from a dwarf with a big doowidgy. |
| It's for short fat tall people. | |
| Have you ever played a game where someone's stuck a pawn right up your backside? | |
| Jon | I would do Cardiology, but I think it might involve the heart too much. |
| I feel like a naked person in a bath. | |
| Cockroaches in Australia must be easy to kill because they're already upside-down. | |
| There was a 16 year old in the clinic. She made it hard for me. | |
| Oh my God! It's my twin sister's birthday! | |
| I usually send out four or five Valentine's cards to cover all possibilities. | |
| I had to play in Alasdair's trousers. | |
| (To Alasdair, who is about to hit Jon) We've done this before, and it's not very stimulating, I'll have you know. | |
| So who's going to have Alasdair in the double bed in Cornwall? I think Prath and I will be fighting over him. | |
| Mart | The brain filters things for relevance and excitement. |
| I'd better go to make some wemen fertile. | |
| It's supposed to be on the basis of copulation... | |
| Nnnnnnhhh!!! I feel like Zeus! | |
| That way I get to disguise myself as golden showers. | |
| Nano-naps - every neuron in your brain skips an action potential because it may be an action potential you might need later in the day. | |
| Oli | When's Haggis Day? |
| Pratheeban | Why at Christmas is it acceptable to fill the airwaves with Christmas music? |
| I once ran into a mirror thinking it was my grandfather. | |
| I don't want to sound like an alcoholic, but I think we need 3 bottles of wine. | |
| It's a carrot stick, erm..... I mean an orange stick. | |
| Why is Jon stroking the green ribbon? I mean, Jon, you've got the Internet, you don't need this! | |
| Oli, it's obvious that you are not as attractive to an auditory hallucination as I am. | |
| Tom | (to Adam) You're not sticking that thing in me! |
| I normally get called Rob by hormonal women. | |
| NON-MEDICS | |
| Jen | The thing with drinking is it gets you drunk. |
| I'm normally anally early. | |
| You can never go wrong with knee-length boots. | |
| Liz | (on discussion of dolphins raping swimmers) You'd never be able to watch "Flipper" again! |
| Al | When a man is lacking in wemen, a dog is nearly as good. |
| Nothing could be better. I've got the best view in the world, people shooting at me, a drink and a weman. | |
| I was thinking of St Hippo's. | |
| Otherwise it'll get unwieldy and it won't fit in the White Horse. | |
| Martin's going in the back entrance. Andy:- That'll make a change! | |
| I don't believe you've met my extremely large vehicle. | |
| What's an ENT specialist got to do with deafness? | |
| Give yourself a break, Mart, she's female and warm. | |
| I wasn't there. I was drinking beer with a Mandrake. | |
| Al and Mart | |
| Al: | "Support your local pub". How are we supposed to support a pub, Mart? |
| Mart: | Prop up the bar. |
| Andy | I'll have 2 pints, a pint and a pint on the side. |
| Like the tugging thing, it was just like opening a big barn door. | |
| It's not every day you sit in a Volvo drinking rum.. but it's not a bad end to a BIRCHDAY. | |
| Roo | Fish don't have hair, do they? |
| I think wemen look better in soft focus - it's like beer goggles. | |
| Retrievers aren't what they used to be. | |
| Jack Frost is just like Vishnu. | |
| Jeremy | It's sort of contempory history. |
| Rob from the Turf | Come on, Caroline, you love head. |
| Random Jitsu instructor | You need to be more bent, like me. |
| LECTURERS / TUTORS | |
| A&E Registrar | A&E Reg: What's that cardiologist doing in our department? Nurse: I don't know. A&E Registrar: What's his GCS? |
| We've got three patients: a hypo, a hyper, and some weman. | |
| A&E Nurse | Do you realise this patient is third in line to the trolley? |
| Trauma Registrar | Tom, you're a walking bloody Blackwell's! |
| ENT Registrar | It's supposed to be good to wash your hair in beer, but I couldn't bear to waste that much. |
| I'd forgotten cider tastes of apples. | |
| I really want to treat a transexual. | |
| Martin, you know lots of cunts. | |
| I've got such a headache I need a beer. | |
| CB | Systemic Blur-itis |
| I can't see why he shouldn't do it on his back. | |
| There IS sentient life outside Oxford. | |
| If you work for Professor Winkywankywoo then you probably haven't met him. | |
| Never work for young consultants because they have existential crises at 3 in the morning. | |
| IB | It's not every day you have Robert Palmer in a lecture. |
| NC | Laser treatment is really just a hi-tec way of setting fire to something. It's really just an excuse for arson. |
| PC | There are now ultrasound units used by many demented people throughout the hospital. |
| You just need to hallucinate here. | |
| AF | You get a floppy, flappy dangler if you are relaxed. |
| DSF | I'm glad I'm going to die soon... |
| What is the Number Needed To Kill cycling to Chipping Norton? | |
| CG | This is Ethel, the old chief midwife, who's now departed. Erm, I mean she's gone. She's not dead. |
| TH | Jacquetta, you looked guilty. It must be the way you clean your glasses. |
| I like it when people are rude to me. It makes me feel like we are having a proper philosophical conversation. | |
| I define a delusion as "A belief that changes when you are given chlorpromazine" | |
| JH | I hate looking down microscopes! They make me feel sick! |
| DIC - Death Is Coming. | |
| This question is getting at, "This is NOT normal, dude!". | |
| Dr J@cks0n | (while Caroline giggles hysterically) Is she well? |
| LI | You are allowed to drink water while Ian M@c£nzie is bleeding you to death. |
| CM | This is really just an exercise in mental masturbation. |
| VR | Oli and I are having a baby. |
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